I was reflecting on this type of relationship because at the close of 2012, I feel like I had a series of interactions that left me feeling weary, deflated, and disappointed -- relationships that seemed like that should have the comfort and freedom that comes with acceptance and love, but somehow still do not seem to hold that freedom for me.
2012 was, in some ways, characterized by what I hope was the pinnacle of fear in my life. Stress and anxiety have pretty much always been things that I struggle with to one degree or another, but somehow in the Spring/Summer of last year they exploded into a consuming mess of paranoia and debilitating fear. I was having trouble comforting myself with a Sovereign God who doesn't promise to protect me from the horrors of this world. Slowly but surely (and with the help of a wonderful counselor), He began to lift my eyes to look at Him and remember His character and that He promises to be with me through everything -- to hear His voice over me telling me that everything would be alright, even if my nightmares ever came true. His loving presence began to cast out the fear that had filled my life.
He began to do this in other areas of my life, too. The nature and depth of some other things I struggled with surprised and scared me - I began buying into the lie that I was doomed to seriously hurt myself and the people I love most. I am learning to run to Him with those things, instead of away from Him in shame. He loves me. I can be myself, even with all the needs and desires and fears and doubts. He wants it all: He wants to meet my needs and satisfy my deepest desires and calm my fears and ease my doubts. I am perfectly loved.
So yesterday on New Year's Day, in the shower pondering life, in the midst of mourning the losses and rejoicing over the victories of 2012 and wondering what 2013 might hold, it hit me...well, I believe Holy Spirit told me...
For many, 2013 is the "Year of the Snake". For me, it will be the Year of Perfect Love Drives Out Fear.
2008 was the year I realized I didn't actually believe that God was good or that He would provide for me or that He really loved me. 2009-2012 have all been years of God is Good. God will provide. God loves me. But I'm tweaking it in 2013. I'm building on God is good/God will provide/ God loves me (because I know I will never "graduate" from that theme -- I never want to!) Because those things are true, and because I am loved so completely and perfectly, I believe I will see even more fear driven out of every part of my life in 2013.
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment." - 1 John 4:18
Dear friends, if you are in Christ, you need not fear any kind of punishment. You are perfectly (completely and deeply) loved. "This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins" (1 John 4:9-10).
We are loved
free
to live through Him
to love
because He first loved us.
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